It's a Gundam
by Arithion
Summary: Ever have a song in your head that you just can't get out? Duo is having that problem today...
1. A New Pet Hate

This story is Dedicated to my friend Enna. Without her it wouldn't exist. Mainly because we sat and watched GW anime together and it is actually amazing the sheer amount of times those enemies utter the words "It's a Gundam!" It infuriated her, and I must admit I found it grating as well, and it kind of gave me an idea. 

Please be gentle, this is my first attempt at Humour and will be posted in a few parts. 

Disclaimer : Don't own em, wish I did, but they wont let me buy them for 3 dollars, and I cant spare anymore cash. 

Anyway hope you enjoy

Without Further Ado

It's a Gundam: A New Pet Hate 

When first waking up one can feel disorientated, and usually reluctant to actually get out of bed. That was how Duo felt when his alarm clock turned itself on and started playing the last strains of one of the latest chart toppers. Turning onto his side Duo decided that he would stay in bed for a little while longer and snuggle with his definitely snuggleble blanket and pillows and try not to remember that all five of them had a mission later on in the morning. He was definitely **not** a morning person. 

Managing to start to doze off again, Duo was brought out of his nice haze by a jingle on the radio. No, he corrected his initial thought it was defiantly not a jingle, it was a song. Slowly he sat up and looked at the radio in disbelief, hearing the words but not actually being able to grasp the situation. 

_And As the sun rises_

_The enemy disguises _

_And we run but something flies overhead _

_Is it friend or is it foe _

_Is it something that we know _

_If we run we might end up dead _

_But all the same _

_We see its form _

_It's a Gundam _

_For good or bad _

_It's a Gundam _

_It's a Gundam _

_Friend or foe _

_It's a Gundam _

_When will we know _

Slowly Duo turned to look at the calendar on the wall; as it wasn't April fools day he immediately dismissed that idea. Instead he had to assume that it was an actual song. The refrain started to grate on his nerves and Duo felt that something inside of him starting to get very tense. Reaching under his pillow he pulled out his handgun, which was a habit he had picked up from sharing rooms with Heero, he unclicked the safety and aimed it at his alarm clock. 

* Bang * 

Having disposed of the annoying alarm clock made Duo feel much better and he let himself lie back down, determined to get a few more minutes shut eye before he got up and had some breakfast. However there was one small problem. That stupid song had lodged itself in Duo's brain and he couldn't fall asleep. In fact, it was that bad that he found himself actually humming the annoying little ditty. 

Exasperated, he sat up in bed. Great, now that song was going to be in his head all day. As if it wasn't enough that he had to listen to idiot enemy pilots stating the bleeding obvious, now he couldn't even escape it on the radio. Grumbling, he decided that there was no way that he was going to get any decent amount of doze in before he had to put in a show for breakfast, he got out of bed and headed into the bathroom for a quick shower, muttering under his breath. "They've got names idiots, calling them just Gundam's is insulting." Turning on the water he made sure it was hot, so it could wash away all of his annoyance. 

A while later, and feeling somewhat better than he had felt before the shower, Duo headed out of the bathroom deftly braiding his hair as he went and unconsciously whistling that stupid little tune that had embedded itself into his head that morning. 

Arriving downstairs he flashed a big grin at all his early rising friends. "And top of the morning to you all folks…" His English accent could definitely do with some working on. "Slept as sound as a bug in a rug I did!" 

Trowa raised his visible eyebrow; Wufei snorted; Quatre just smiled and Heero looked at him, almost through him. 

"Hn, baka…what did you shoot this time? Another cockroach?" The look on Heero's face told his lover just how childish he thought such an action would be. 

Scowling briefly Duo didn't take offence, though he could have if he had wanted to. Taking offence just took way too much energy that Duo would prefer to be using to annoy his friends and lover. "No no no!" Duo bounced over to get himself some breakfast cereal. "This stupid piece of crap that I have no idea how the hell it got on the airwaves was playing, and it pissed me off." Stopping briefly he cocked his head to one side as if contemplating something. "Oh yeah, Q-T, I need a new alarm clock." 

"You shot the clock Duo?" Quatre couldn't help it. 

"Yeah well, it's the clock's fault that I now have this stupid piece of shit song in my head and cant get it out!" 

Wufei couldn't believe the little act that Duo was pulling over a stupid song. "Oh Maxwell, don't make such a big deal out of it. What was the song anyway?" 

Duo struck a dramatic pose. "It's a Gundam." 

Wufei probably shouldn't have taken a sip of his tea right then, because he ended up spluttering it all back out and giving Duo an incredulous look as if to test whether or not he was serious. Trowa's face actually looked like it was going to laugh and Quatre smiled good naturedly at his friend, thinking that he was kidding. 

Heero however just looked at Duo sceptically and raised and eyebrow. "You don't say?" 

"I do say, and in fact, it's almost as annoying as the idiots we have to fight. I mean our Gundam's have names!" He sat himself at the table and started shovelling the food into his mouth, still trying to talk. "Anth I woth up to ith…" 

As if out of the same mouth all four of his comrades spoke. "Duo don't talk with food in your mouth." Before going back to what it was they had been doing. 

Suitably chastised, Duo went back to munching on his food and grinning happily at his friends as they ignored him and continued about their morning. That is until Wufei flicked open the newpaper he had been reading. 

Duo's eyes bulged and he almost choked on the food he was eating. Staring him right in the face was a headline in the paper. A large bold headline: **It's a Gundam.**

Spluttering in outrage, Duo pushed himself away from the table, momentarily seeing red. "You have to be fucking kidding… how frigging hard is it to say wing, or shenlong, ok that is a little harder to say but hell!!! This is ridiculous, how many times do we have to put up with this shit!" 

Hands clenched into fists at Duo's sides and he was breathing heavily. Wufei and Trowa seemed mildly amused while Quatre had a look of concern on his face. Heero on the other hand had that semi permanent frown that seemed to have deepened slightly, on his face and stood flexing his fingers. 

"Duo are you ok?" Quatre's concern showed through in his voice, but surprisingly it was Heero who walked to the braided boy. 

"Duo…" Almost reluctantly Heero placed a hand on Duo's arm, to ground him again. 

Violet eyes flashed at him, refocusing fast. "Oh, yeah, sorry forgot myself." The grin plastered over his face again, and he pulled away from Heero. "Heh, just kind of gets to me when I hear and see things like that. It's just so bloody annoying." 

He glanced at his watch. "Oh shit, would you look at the time guys, we have a base to blow up soon. Be back in a jiffy ne? I have to go re-brush my hair, its annoying me too!" 

Watching Duo bound back up the stairs Wufei pursed his lips in thought. "Does he ever run out of energy?" 

Replying with his usual "Hn." Heero ducked his head before anyone could notice the blush that crossed his face. 

Having brushed his hair for a half hour Duo felt amazingly better. That always managed to sooth him. Bouncing out of the house ahead of the others he made his way to the four-wheel-drive and called shotgun. "**Shotgun**" very loudly, before climbing into the passenger seat. Wufei grumbled something about having to share the squashed back seat. 

"What was that 'Fei?" Duo had had that smirk on his face. 

"Nothing Maxwell." 

"Ahh, I thought you'd _like_stuck in the back seat with two rather good looking men, especially Trowa." Duo laughed as Wufei turned a crimson red and recalling one of his favourite lines from one of his favourite old comedic groups he nudged Wufei in the ribs when the boy came around to Duo's side of the car. "Nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean huh huh?" And for that effort Duo received a Wufei death glare; which wasn't as effective as a Heero Yuy Death glare, but quite a good glare nevertheless. 

However as with Heero, it had no effect on Duo whatsoever and the longhaired boy just jumped into his seat, absently humming that annoying little tune. 

Sitting next to him in the driver's seat, Heero looked out of the corner of his eyes at the hyperactive boy, trying not to let his thoughts wander. He was successful in that attempt probably only because Duo was humming that damn song. 

"What _are_ you humming Duo." Heero lost his patience. 

"Shit," Duo realised belatedly what he had been humming and groaned. "That stupid bloody song." 

Exasperated Heero flicked the radio on, unaware of the four sets of eyes that were now regarding him as if he had grown a second head, or maybe even a third. It was a well known fact that no one played music in the car when Heero was driving. 

After sitting silently for what seemed like a record amount of time for him, approximately 2 minutes, Duo opened his mouth to speak, but was stopped by the news bulletin that hit the radio waves. Gaping at the radio, he couldn't quite comprehend what he was hearing. 

There was noise in the background as the news reader spoke, as if the woman was on site at a battle, which indeed, it appeared she had been; namely the Gundam battle of the previous day if the screams in the background were anything to go by. Because Duo could clearly hear them all screaming. "Look! It's a Gundam." The screams and the day old report then faded into the background as a 'Talk Show' came on air. Duo's incredulous gaze was still focussed on the radio, and he did not notice the concerned looks his friends were giving him. 

The show started. "Good afternoon ladies and gents, yes that's write, Hot Topic is on air live again. Today's topic is "It's a Gundam!" 

Something inside Duo began to fray, with an almost graceful speed he drew his handgun and shot the radio, making it fizzle and spark. Only the sound of the engine could be heard, as the inside of the car was completely silent until Quatre gave out an exasperated sigh. 

"Turning it off, or switching channels would have had the same effect Duo!" 

The violet eyed man didn't take his eyes off the now destroyed radio, as if expecting it to start up again. 

"Well it certainly will think twice about dishonouring the Gundam name again!" Wufei couldn't help but chuckle at his own joke, and Trowa even cracked a half grin. 

Heero however was watching his braided lover carefully out of the corner of his eye. 

And then he saw it. Acting quickly, he gently removed the gun from Duo's hands as the vein on Duo's left temple started to pulse visibly. 

~~**~~ 

To Chapter Two 

Please tell me what you think! This was my first ever attempt at including humour into a story as a main factor – be gentle please! 

~Arith 


	2. Gundam's have Feelings too!

same disclaimers apply: not mine, no money... sadly 

It's a Gundam: Gundam's have feelings too!!! 

The rest of the drive was spent in a rather terse silence. Duo didn't even tease Wufei and Trowa for sitting just close enough to touch. That meant something was seriously bothering the braided pilot, because lets admit it, Duo never missed an opportunity to annoy the shit out of people he knows he can annoy all too well. And another thing to admit freely was that Wufei couldn't help but bite every single time, which is really what made Duo's teasing so tantalizing for the violet-eyed youth.

Heero was frowning. That little pulsing vein in Duo's forehead region was shouting out warnings to him, but for some reason the answer to why it was warning him was escaping him completely. Probably simply because as per usual, his thoughts strayed to the previous night, and many before that. Perfect soldier he might be, but he had a weakness, that was Duo Maxwell. Pushing the warning to the back of his mind, Heero decided to deal with it later and instead concentrate on the road…or trail was probably more accurate.

As the car stopped Duo was the first out of it, heading towards Deathscythe's hidey hole without a word.

A collective shiver ran through the remaining four pilots as they realized, something was a little wrong, though each shrugged it off as they realized that Duo was probably just psyching for a mission. Of course they all failed to hear him humming that fricking song again.

Meanwhile, there was a distinct disagreement going on in Duo's head. 

~Calm down Duo, really, its just a song~

#and a headline and a news topic and on every fucking wanker who pilots an MS's lips#

~ok, so it's a little worse than I'm making out~

#you always try to make things look better, stop being so damn positive#

~but… its my job!~

#well then, I'll just tune the senses out to you#

~you can…. *silence *

#what was that? I don't think I quite heard you! /snicker#

A grin spread across Duo's face as he reached and jumped into his Deathscythe, still humming the tune.

The five Gundam's approached the base they needed to decimate. A highly well armed and protected base, but it was definitely within their capabilities. Frankly Heero thought all five of them being there was a little bit of overkill. A frown still creased his face as he realized he had never heard Duo speak so little, not even during sex. With a cough he corrected himself, especially not during sex. He didn't actually realize that it was possible for the braided baka to ever shut up, but apparently he had been mistaken.

As the Gundam's approached the base, the screams started. And it was very easy for each and every pilot to hear exactly what was being screamed.

"**It's a Gundam! It's a Gundam!**"

And that thing that had been tensing and fraying inside Duo, snapped! His voice carried clear and loudly over the entire battle scene.

"Of course it's a fucking Gundam you imbeciles, what the fuck else would it be."

Silence ensued… a confused silence.

Heero lowered his head. So much for Duo not talking. He would wait this out and see how it went… maybe…

All of a sudden Deathscythe spun and swirled around.

"Hello ladies and gents! Now that I have your attention, I would like to teach you all something. Are we all paying attention!?"

The screams of "It's a Gundam!" had taken up their chorus again. 

"Beep! Wrong answer people!" The scythe swept dangerously close to the idiots screaming on the ground and pointed towards them. "The next person to say "It's a Gundam is going to get cleaved in two by my good old buddy old pal scythy wythy here!"

The crickets chirped.

"Excellent! Now for today's lesson we are going to play a little game!"

Heero hn'd, Trowa blinked, Wufei groaned and Quatre clapped his hands before he realized he had the other three glaring at him.

"What?!!"

"Don't encourage him." Trowa's deadpan face made Quatre fairly sure that his unibanged friend was also trying to hold back a half smile, which for Trowa was like full scale laughter.

Quatre leaned forward to await what Duo would do next, he usually loved his American friends antics, of course his face fell a little when he heard Duo's next words, and he gulped a little.

"We are going to play, how to address a Gundam **properly**!"

Heero forgot to not let emotions play across his face, showing shock; Trowa forgot that he apparently never expressed anything and allowed his jaw to hit the floor of his Gundam, which is actually quite painful considering how hard gundanium is. Wufei started praying "please let it be a joke Nataku please!" And Quatre turned a little pale, wondering exactly what his friend meant.

Adapting the thermal blade on his scythe, Duo pointed to Heavyarms. "Now this is what we call a mobile suit doll made out of gundanium alloy, which makes us a fuckload better than all you pieces of crap out there. This one in particular is called Heavyarms." Of course Duo didn't notice that Trowa was looking desperately around his cockpit for a means of escape.

"Now I know that one isn't very hard to say now is it? Come on people…repeat after me, I **know** you can do it. Heeeaaavvvyyyyaaarrrmmmmssss. Yes that's it, Heavy arms! And as his arms look heavy, I guess even you people have enough intellect to figure out where the name came from" Twirling the pole of the scythe like a baton he placed it over his shoulder and sauntered, yes Heero had to admit he actually got his Gundam to saunter, closer to his students. "Now that we have that sorted out, a little info on its pilot. The pilot of heavy arms has a fetish for hair gel and black eyed and haired Chinese pilots." He also failed to see Trowa sinking from his seat as if he could disappear through the floor of his cockpit, as well as Wufei carefully sharpening the blade of his katana, a distinct look of determination on his face.

"Wave to the nice people oh **Heavyarms **pilot!" Duo noticed the lack of movement. "He's just shy… shall we move on…"

Not waiting for or really wanting an answer Duo continued on, picking out Shenlong next.

Heero sat in his cockpit trying to calculate just how he could get Duo out of Deathscythe and shut him up before he turned to pick on wing.

"Now here we have Shenlong! Yes nice name isn't it. See its not just a Gundam, it's Shenlong **the ** Gundam. Our Gundam's have feelings too and at the moment every single one of you are insulting our Gundam's. I am sure you don't want to insult our Gundam's!" He started to twirl the 'baton' again.

"Now repeat again, because I know it isn't hard: Shenlong! See not hard at all. And I am guessing you can tell why they called it Shenlong… I mean look at that claw…it extends and WHAM, you're dead!" 

The crowd of enemy mobile suits and bystanders seemed to be mesmerized by what was going on in front of them. 

Quatre was laughing, holding his sides in pain laughing, sort of forgetting that his turn would come. He had to secretly admit that the enemy yelling constantly "It's a Gundam" peeved him a little too, I mean how unoriginal could they be.

"Now Shenlong's name could refer to it's pilot in certain ways if you know what I mean, nudge, nudge, wink, wink, know what I mean, know what I mean!" Wufei spluttered so hard he forgot he was polishing his katana and promptly cut himself, which led to a lot of cursing that prominently involved Duo and Nataku. Some of the content is unrepeatable due to the rating of this fic. 

"But of course the only person who can attest to that is Heavy's pilot." It almost looked as if Deathscythe was grinning. Quatre was close to pissing himself with laughter at the sight of Wufei's face; Heero was fighting off a smirk, and Trowa was really trying to prove a theory that he **could** sink through a gundanium floor quite successfully. Wufei was trying to stop the blood pouring from his hand as well as glare effectively at Duo, who completely ignored everyone.

"Now people…" And Deathscythe started pacing, carelessly swinging his scythe from side to side like a pendulum. "I will introduce myself at this point in time. I am the pilot of Deathscythe. Only the people with a lisp are excused from practicing my name, because although I kill people for fun, I am not a sadist."

Heero could almost see the smirk cross the Gundam's face; Quatre fell out of his seat laughing; Trowa couldn't help the twitch of his lips. Wufei was that busy planning out the 869th way to exact revenge on Duo, while tending his wound, for tarnishing his honor that he didn't hear what the braided pilot had said.

"Now repeat after me…Deathscythe! D e a t h s c y t h e." The clapping of hands could be heard. "Well done people, I think you're learning! My name is pretty fucking obvious now isn't it…I bring lots of yummy blood, carnage and death to you all and I use a Sycthe! Now I enjoy a lot of things including one of these pilots, but I think I'll keep that a secret a little while longer. Personally you should all be honoured since I just introduced you to the God of Death, that is me!" He bowed.

Red wasn't really a colour that suited Heero; Quatre was having trouble breathing; Trowa was cautiously picking himself up from the floor; and Wufei had finally staunched the blood flow.

"Now, moving right along! This lovely contraption over here with the tasteful black here and there is Sandrock!" Quatre stopped laughing and his eyes widened. "Now I actually have no idea why they called him Sandrock, I mean those swords that can very neatly cleave you all into little bits and pieces don't look like sand or rocks do they, but ahhh well we can't all be perfect. Sandrock… repeat… Sandrock… yes… even those with a lisp thank you very much." Deathscythe leant on his scythe as if it was the most natural thing in the world for a massive Gundam suit to be doing. "Now the pilot of this splendid exhibit is like our little brother. You hurt him, we kill you. Rather beautiful, yet so simple. Oh and if he ever asks you to surrender, do it, cause none of the rest of us would, and he would actually let you live, whereas none of the rest of us give a shit." A nervous giggle erupted from Quatre's throat as he fervently hoped he wouldn't come in for anymore barbs from Duo.

"Wave hello now Sandrocky!"

Giggling a little Quatre made Sandrock wave.

Unsurprisingly, Duo then turned his attention to Wing.

"Ahhhh and Wing, my **lovely** Wing."

Heero gulped trying to find a way out of this that meant stopping Duo in the next 20 seconds as well as completing the mission, and he drew a blank. Quatre drew a sigh of relief and started giggling in the same breath. Trowa scowled mildly and Wufei was still trying to get over his outrage at the fact that Quatre had been let off so easily. The Chinese man was having a little trouble getting his sense of Justice to let him keep up with things.

"Now as you can see Wing has a decidedly simple name. Even lispers should have no problem with this… and I mean no problem. Repeat after me… WING… W I N G! You know… like the things sticking out of its back…Yes and now you have **why** its called Wing."

Heero tensed, sensing an impending doom.

"Now as for Wing's pilot…he's the only thing who gets to use death as a toy…" a slight chuckle emerged from Duo at his own joke, while Heero discovered yet another shade of red that was just not right for him; Quatre gasped for breath; Trowa was pleased that someone else had the focus on them and Wufei had finally caught up with the conversation.

"No one touches him, otherwise I get pissed, and I mean, I get pissed. You don't want to piss me off do you…" He purred the last. "But anyway, he enjoys killing each and every one of you and is exceptionally good at it, and also enjoys long evenings spent…" Heero gave out a strangled 'Hn'… "Assembling and reassembling his favorite gun." Although it wasn't as bad as Heero had expected, it had room enough for insinuations and he groaned. Quatre was too far gone in a fit of giggles, Trowa's lips were twitching again and Wufei had a predatory glare as he realized that Yuy would very likely help him pay Duo back.

"Now, have we all understood today's lesson?" Silence greeted him.

Sighing, Duo gave it another try. "What do we call the Gundams now? Remembering that they have feelings too and insulting something that weighs a few tons is probably a bad idea?"

For about five seconds there was complete silence.

Then almost as one the crowd screamed.

"**It's a Gundam!**"

~~**~~

To Chapter Three

Well hoped you liked it, stay tuned, same bat channel and all that!

Review a starving author please ;)

~Arith


	3. One of many reasons, not to piss a Gunda...

same disclaimers apply: not mine, no money... sadly 

It's a Gundam: One of many reasons, **not** to piss a Gundam Pilot off

Heero's head snapped up, embarrassment forgotten; Quatre tried to snap out of his laughing fit but failed miserably because everything just seemed so fucking hilarious to him; Trowa's expression returned to normal and Wufei laid his plans for revenge on the back burner as they turned to watch Duo's reaction. 

It was as if they heard an audible snap when Duo lost all control and screamed. 

"DDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEE" 

With a blur of speed that none of the other Gundams could match, Duo brought his Scythe down, cleanly slicing two Aeries in half, all the while still holding a somewhat irate conversation. "Now I am sure I asked you all nicely, but hell, no more Mr. Nice Guy now… no siree bob!!!" And the humming of that infuriating fucking tune, resumed. Whoever said that multitasking was actually scientifically impossible for men to accomplish had obviously never met Duo, who could do anything while he spoke or hummed. For example, annihilating the enemy whilst being witty and or musical.

Heero sighed and shook his head, only just realizing what that pulsing vein in Duo's forehead meant; that the braided baka was about to lose it on a humungous level. He watched in a rather detached way as his lover carved up a fair size of the troop in front of him, he became aware of Quatre's hysterical laughing over the intercoms. Trowa and Wufei were probably waiting for some sort of directions from Heero. The pilot of Wing make a split second decision.

"Wufei, attack the OZ troops. Quatre stop fucking laughing and help him. Trowa help me restrain Duo." The unibanged pilot raised an eyebrow, and Heero could feel Wufei's glare. "Chang, not now… and no, don't bother… You and Quatre are needed to finish the mission." Quatre was now gasping for breath again as all attempts to stop laughing were definitely not working. "And for fuck's sake, get him to stop laughing."

Which of course, made Quatre laugh even harder.

Locking that out of his mind Heero signaled Trowa to follow his lead. Carefully he rounded the maniacally decimating Deathscythe pilot, quite certain there would be a partially insane gleam in the oh 'never sadistic' Duo's eyes. 

Actually it was quite amusing watching his lover methodically work his way through the entire Aeries and Leo ranks. To be quite honest he probably could have handled this mission all by himself, provided that they had known he would go into an insane, homicidal rage which would allow him to react with even better dexterity than usual.

Evaluating the possibilities, ie, how the hell he could restrain Duo and live to tell the tale without actually having to kill the Deathscythe pilot himself, Heero realized that Duo had probably taken out about half of the mobile suits; that Trowa had matched his position on the opposite side of Duo; that Wufei was trying to find a way to join in the fight without getting decimated himself and that Quatre was successfully still laughing.

Seeing his opening, Heero moved Wing as fast as possible and only just managed to pin Deathscythes arms to the side with his own, waiting for Trowa to come and take one of them.

"AUGH! Let me the FUCK go!"

"Duo, settle…" which Duo promptly chose to ignore and instead made Deathscythe writhe in the grip of the others. Wufei took that chance to jump into battle, and Quatre who was still laughing hysterically let out a "Weeeeeee kill everyone…" and continued to laugh as he cut easily through the mobile suits that faced him.

Mentally noting to have Quatre seen to as well at some stage, Heero tried again.

"Come on Duo, snap out of it."

Silence… unless you counted the humming of that same fricking song. 

Suddenly a laugh emerged from Duo's cockpit. "Awww sorry Hee-chan, I worried you…" Heero blushed not liking how close he had come to the truth.

"I promise I'll be good… don't know what came over me…Sorry man…"

Heero and Trowa were that stunned and relieved that they involuntarily loosened their hold for a split second. Which it turned out was all that Shinigami needed.

Wrenching himself free Duo laughed. "HAHAHAHHA, suckers!!! Like hell I'm fucking sorry." And Deathscythe began to prowl back towards his prey, uh, the enemy he was supposed to be taking out for the mission… yes, that's it. 

"Heeeeerrrrreeeee little kitties… Come out come out wherever you are!!!" A high pitched cackle emerged from his throat as he once again jumped into the fray. Wufei dodged the scythe and Quatre's laughter that had just been about to die down reemerged in full force as he somehow found the situation extremely hilarious.

"Kitties…" The blond snickered. "little kitties…hahaha…" and happily the blond went about dicing and carving the stragglers without mercy. This of course gave lie to Duo's introduction from before and made all of the enemy present completely scared shitless of the usually sweet blond pilot. 

"Shit." Heero was being really expressive. Using words for him was like a monologue for someone else. Usually it was just so easy to get things done with a look and the occasional 'baka' or 'Hn' inserted into the 'conversation'. Why couldn't Duo just be like Trowa sometimes and communicate with eyebrows?

For the second time, Heero and Trowa approached their quarry and pounced at the same time. Although Duo saw it coming and one part of his mind registered that he should probably do something to get out of the way that other part of him, the extremely insanely blood thirsty revenge part, was too intent on causing as much death as was possible in the remaining time he had, to pay any attention to it.

And so it was, that Deathscythe was once again restrained. Not only did Deathscythe (please note the frequent use of the names of the pilots and/or the Gundams due to not wishing to offend either party) kick and scream at his captors; but the partially coherent Duo in the cockpit was doing exactly the same.

"LET. ME. GO." He was starting to plead. "Please, please… you have to let me go…kill kill mmmm blood… blood is pretty… nice red colour… really… come on guys… I was getting the mission accomplished… kill kill…_If we run we might end up dead_… " hysterical cackling followed.

"Duo, get a grip."

The voice changed to sultry and almost distracted Heero, almost. "Oh yeah Hee-chan, get a grip, of you? Mmm yeah, that I can handle…well ne? Hand or mouth Hee-chan, how tight?" Deathscythe started to struggle again, but although Heero's face once again had that clashing red colour to it, he had not let himself be distracted enough to let his lover escape again. Still slowly being dragged away from the fighting Duo gave out a howl.

"NNNNooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!" He was almost sobbing. "You can't do this to me, you cant you can't you can't!! Kill them… kill them alllllllllllllllllllllllllllllll" Of course Duo was so busy screaming that he didn't notice that they had stopped, nor did he notice that Heero had gotten out of his own Gundam and was grimly making his way to the Deathscythe pilot's cockpit. Because if he had seen that, and seen the thunderous look on Heero's face, he probably would have asked Trowa how he managed to almost sink through the floor of his Gundam. Because even in a homicidal rage one should be a little bit majorly scared shitless of Heero Yuy on the warpath.

But as we were saying, Duo didn't notice, because he was too busy screaming. Didn't notice in fact until Heero was standing in the now cramped cockpit, hauling Duo out of the seat and holding him up by the back of his neck, somehow effectively immobilizing Duo with that knowledge that only the perfect soldier seemed to have.

Of course that was something that even Duo couldn't overlook in his current state. Meeting Prussian blue _really _pissed off eyes Duo just gulped. And then he grinned his usual partially insane grin, which really didn't help his cause at all.

"Ooops Heero… fancy seeing you here…um so how are you buddy old pal old…"

"Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Duo."

Duo gulped again…oops Heero used more than one word or two,… he had even expanded the usual shut up. Knowing he was in trouble Duo tried to downplay it.

"So yeah, did you um see how I lulled them all into a false sense of security…" Now if he could wiggle free somehow he might be able to get back in time to kill more of those stupid naive imbecilic morons, but he didn't have to let Heero know that. "Yeah, was a brilliant plan ne Hee-chan."

Narrowing his eyes, Heero seemed to look through him and grunted before speaking again. ""Shut. The. Fuck. Up. Duo."

And Heero exerted pressure to that spot on the back of Duo's neck reserved solely for rendering a person unconscious and had the braided pilot sag into his arms. Carrying his unconscious lover out of his Gundam and ignoring the hentai thoughts his mind kept throwing to him about a very flexible unconscious body, he climbed easily into his own Wing Gundam. 

"Trowa take Deathscythe to where he belongs. Meet you all back at the safe house."

Trowa could be seen to nod, Wufei answered with a fervent "By Nataku…" and Quatre, who was still giggling responded with "Aye Aye captain." And burst out into laughter once more. 

Frowning as he turned Wing around Heero decided he was going to have to have a **long** chat with Quatre and lecture Duo on not getting the blond to laugh so much. 

#*#

Something was wrong. Duo was slowly waking up and was completely uncertain as to his surroundings. He remembered that he had been having a fucking awesome time carving the shit out of all those fuckwits who couldn't even define a Gundam after an extremely easy lesson; that was until Heero and Trowa had interfered. But for the life of him, he couldn't figure out why he was well… apparently tied to a chair.

Had he and Heero decided to experiment again? Well that would be ok, as long as Heero hadn't gotten his hair knotted again, but then that was another story for another time, because it was damn long.

No, no, that wasn't it… his hands were cuffed…he tested the cuffs and the fucking things were gundanium. Slowly he opened his eyes and looked at his surroundings.

Four pairs of eyes were watching him.

"He is awake, can I exact revenge now?"

"No, Wufei, you can't… I want him to tell me more jokes!" Quatre's voice still had that slightly insane happy tone to it.

Heero eyed the other two carefully before turning his attention back to Duo, who was looking, well to be honest, a little too bright eyed.

"How are you feeling Duo…"

"Oh swell. Really! Sorry I fucked things up back there…don't know why… but did we accomplish the mission?" Kill, must kill, not let them suspect…his mind cackled… imbeciles must die lest they be allowed to procreate. Duo heartily agreed with the voice in his head.

Heero's eyes narrowed. "You really are feeling ok then?"

"Oh yes Hee-chan." His eyes were still too bright, almost fanatic.

Quatre bounced up and down. "See, he's ok, let him loose, come on, come on…"

Heero eyed the bouncy blonde warily, making a mental note not to let his sexy, tight…*mental cough * not to let Duo and Quatre alone for a little while, till he knew what was wrong with both of them. For Quatre's part, Heero just though he had caught a little of the insanity that seemed to be possessing the long haired boy.

"I think we need to make sure you're ok Duo."

"Sure thing Hee-chan…anything you want." Yes, his plan was working. He was a great actor, he could pass any test they threw at him.

Eyeing Trowa and Wufei in a conspiratal look, Heero gave the signal.

**"It's a Gundam**!"

Oh no! Anything but that. And as the laughter tumbled forth from Quatre once more while the blond bounced and clapped his hands; Duo saw red.

" AUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH, Fucking DDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE"

Smugly Wufei looked at the bound boy as Heero sighed. "Not cured ne Yuy?"

"I'd say not Chang…"

In his rage, something inside Duo examined his confinement, picking out the one fault, the one weakness in that which bound him.

There was an audible snap.

Duo raised his eyes and looked at his friends and lover, the expression on his face was nothing short of predatory.

Wufei, Trowa and Heero began inching back from the boy on the chair, while Quatre continued giggling in his corner.

"Um… Heero, you **did** remember that Duo can dislocate his joints at will didn't you?" Wufei's voice was unsure.

Heero blanched as his lover stood and starting stalking towards them, that look still in his eyes. "I didn't want to rub his hands raw…" His voice was almost a whimper.

"Great Yuy, you guys are fine with handcuffing each other tightly in the bedroom but when it comes to a serious matter you don't want to hurt him… great…"

"How did you…"

Heero didn't get any further.

Duo was speaking… sort of… "Eenie, meanie, miney, mo… catch a Gundam pilot by the toe…"

The other three didn't wait to hear the end of the rhyme; they ran.

With a leap of pure predatory glee, Duo followed them humming that same fucking song under his breath.

Quatre stayed in the other room, considering he was laughing that hard he couldn't get off the floor.

~~**~~

The end !!!

~Arith


End file.
